im six kinds of drunk right now
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
