even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
