I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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