i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Randomize
