my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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