is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
