I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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