Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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