this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Are my feet made of real feet?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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