chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
