could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I will be naked everywhere
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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