im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize