32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I will pee on everything he values.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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