We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize