So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
