so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
