if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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