Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
