I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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