i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's never too late to be topless.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
