Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Enjoy the penises
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
