Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
