come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize