also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
