You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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