Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize