Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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