Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize