shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
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