oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
