thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
