It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
