first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
