I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize