best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
