My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
