you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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