im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
