ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
