I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
