Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
