Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
