took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
