so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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