just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
