I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
