I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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