And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize