I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize