you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
