my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
