Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
