party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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