Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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