If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
