don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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