I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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