From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
My bed smells like the plague
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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