Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
It's like God shit irony all over that family
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
