dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
