I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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