It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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