this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
