I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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