party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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