Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
