Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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