Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dicks are not precious.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
