Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
