I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
