My hand turned me down
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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